*Tax This Memo on His Corkboard*

So, I FINALLY re-requested my W-2 forms from UC Davis Human Resources, and back calculated my federal tax return amount, so that I could hunt down the status of the check from the IRS website. The result:

Refund Status Results

Your refund check was mailed to you and returned by the post office as undeliverable. To ensure delivery of your refund, we need your current address.

Please call the number below for further assistance.


Sometimes I don't know why I kill myself imagining so many other scenarios when the answer is so simple...

Beating Around the Bush

G.W. Bush and all of his advisors were sitting in their daily briefing meeting one day and one of the advisors said "Mr. President, I'm afraid that I have more casualty reports from the Iraq war. Three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday."
Mr. Bush puts his head in his hands and looks down. He shakes his head back and forth for a few minutes. Finally, one of the advisors says "Mr. President, are you alright?"
G.W.B. looks up and says "Someone tell me, how many is a Brazilian?"

An Exercise in Fueltility?

Driven by the recent hikes in gas prices, a group of researchers conducted a series of experiments to determine when rolling down car windows trumps the AC in terms of fuel efficiency.

Their findings? On the highway, closed windows decrease air resistance, so run the air conditioner. But in stop-and-go traffic, shutting off the air conditioning and opening the windows can lighten your fuel use. Air conditioning can lower your fuel economy by 10 percent to 20 percent.

I-80 Gets a Bit More Fuzzy

Today, on my way to sign Arcadia's job offer, I saw the most unusual site: THREE CHiPs on the side of the 80, each having pulled over a car for speeding. As I passed by, it was like a perfect Charlie's Angels pose: Officer One leaned over the hood of his car writing, Officer Two pointing the radar gun at the passing traffic, and Officer Three upright, tearing off a ticket. Bizzarre.

And then, not 400 yards later was a FOURTH highway patrol man, on motorcycle. This marks the highest presence of law enforcement I have ever seen up here in Davis at one time.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the recent increase in confidence we all have in Davis PD? For those of you not familiar with what I'm talking about, read this story. For those of you too lazy to chase the link, here's a summary:

- Two armed black men in ski masks rob the First Northern Bank.
- They get into a car with two other black men.
- The red dye marker in the money bag explodes, rending the money bright red and useless. In the process, it also renders the black men red.
- The quartet flees the car into downtown Davis.
- Davis PD loses ALL FOUR OF THEM!

So, to recap: Davis has a total black population of 2.3%. Seeing one run down C Street would be unusual. Seeing three would be rare. Seeing three running in ski masks with red dye splattered all over them would be nothing short of an anomalie. Despite this fact, they were able to "vanish" into thin air.

Anyone else feel safe?

*Growns*

The question of what constitutes adulthood has been the subject of much reflection lately. The commencement of adolescence is easy enough to pinpoint; it begins with the frightening appearance of body hair, the annoying cracking of one's voice at inopportune times, and the realization that girls are really actually pretty interesting.

Unfortunately, no such yardstick exists for the next stage in a man's life. On paper, or in a court of law, it is sufficient to assign an age. However, if you put an eighteen year old in a room with half a dozen fourty year olds, there clearly is a difference. But what are the important differences? How does he command respect and authority from someone twice his age? Can there ever be real equality between the two groups?

Is the realization that a person is no longer part of "us" but the older "them" an ephemeral "aha" moment? Or is it more of a gradual transition where you wake up one morning and try to figure out when it happened? Parenthood would be a useful marker, except that not everyone has children. Do these people go their whole lives without this paradigm shift?

Carpe Diem: Cesium the Day

It has been no secret that I have been looking for a more scientific job, so that I can quit painting houses. Fortunately, one of my friends mentioned to me the other day that there was an unannounced opening at Arcadia BioSciences. I later found out that he is the head of the department there, which probably explains how I made it through two groups of interviewers and a constant rain of questions, despite the fact that I have very limited lab experience in molecular biology!

So, as of Monday, I will be testing out new protocols for DNA extraction of plant tissues, and building a cDNA library of the tomato plant genome. Admittedly, botany is not my favorite subject, but this project is actually pretty interesting! My internship is slated to run for 4 months...

Putting the Blow Back in Blowfly

It is with great reluctance that I announce the suspension of research project that has consumed my conversation, free time and mental resources for the last 16 months. Although I had finally come close uniting the Enviromental Toxicology, Entomology and Donated Body Program departments together, and had the gas chromatography and electrophysiology equipment all lined up, other forces conspired to prevent the experiment from finally happening.

Instead, I will be using the entire school year to focus on my academic endeavors, in an effort to strengthen my graduate school application. It is true I could continue my fight to eludicate the behavioral modifiers of blowflies infesting human remains, but the points brought up as to why I should not are difficult to argue against.

For the record, I am bitter.